Dear Jesus: why am I so fucking dumb

I have a very funny story to tell today! It begins as I leave work (I work at subway in town it is exciting.) I realise that I do not have my wallet! It is 5 minutes until my train though and I have all the tickets in my pockets so I figure I will just carry on home and pick up my stuff in town the next day. It was as I was alighting the train I realised that my house keys were attached to my wallet and, since my parents are away at a crazy party in Yorkshire, I have no way to get into the house without my keys.

For reasons I still do not fully understand I continued on my journey home (there was a big car crash at the top of my village incidentally). I guessed that there would be a window open on my house or something. It should not need mention that when I arrived home, no windows at all were open. After tugging ineffectually at a couple (of windows) I decided to try the skylights in the sewing room. I cannot remember a time when these were closed. I took the ladders from the garage and leaned them tentatively against the conservatory and pantry (keep in mind I fucking hate ladders and other things I can fall off). I climbed up the ladders and crawled up the leading on the roof. The skylights were closed. Also, on the way back down the ladders started slipping left a bunch (this is one of the worst feelings you can ever experience) but I caught onto the roof and did some fucking magic or something so I am not dead/in A&E.

After this event I admitted defeat and was faced with the prospect of going back to Shrewsbury to get my wallet and keys (keeping in mind I had no money b/c my wallet was in Shrewsbury). It was 6:30. I was determined to get the train at 7:10 from Gobowen and so I ran like a mile of the way and the train dude let me on with like a return ticket going the wrong way. The rest of the story is pretty dull; i got my wallet back and bought some chocolate and went home and sung some songs pretty loud. I think I got funny looks. Later I worked out that I have travelled somewhere in the region of 100 miles today! It cost a total of £4.90.

Other things I did today: put way too much cornflower in the white sauce for my dinner; dropped my comb in the toilet. Also Alice was going to stay tonight but then it turned out she couldn’t! At the time I was disappointed but from the events of the evening it seems to have been a smart move.

Dumb things other people have done today (really two days ago) #1

Today I checked my email and saw the words “Sold, dispatch now. Get Your Hands Off My Woman [SINGLE] [Audio CD] Darkness”

It dawned on me that some weeks ago I had placed for sale a CD single by the band The Darkness. This is a CD SINGLE which features THREE TRACKS and two are THE SAME. Because it is their first single and never sold many copies it is somehow rare and I put on a price of £12 or some shit, figuring it would never sell. A person has clearly now purchased this CD!

I acquired the CD almost two years ago for something like £1.99 or maybe £2.99. Also if you go on Amazon there are new copies for like half the price. Why has somebody paid a total of £13.25?? Makes no sense!

Dumb things I have done so far today #3

1) While on the street with my girlfriend Alice, we were having a loud conversation and I at one point said quite loudly somehing along the lines of, “Yeah, they should just think: MENTALLY RETARDED.” At this point Alice pointed out a lady not too far in front of us. She was with a girl who clearly had downs syndrome. The girl was crying as we walked past.

2) I have to do two works of composition as coursework for my A-level in music. The teacher wishes to check the progress of my compositions early tomorrow morning. I do not expect my progress to be satisfactory. Additionally, instead of working on said compositions I am currently typing on INTERNET.

An extra dumb thing I have done

I play electric guitar and own a chromatic tuner that I sometimes use to correct the tuning and intonation. It is possible to tune based on a huge range of frequencies but the convention is to use A 440Hz as a reference note. Recently I began altering string tension in accordance with the tuner only to find I had changed this value to 439Hz, with the effect that the entire instrument sounded slightly flat. My first attempt to correct this error saw me change the value to 441Hz which served only to compound the mistake! I am now tuning to the correct frequencies.

Dumb things I have done so far today #2

1) I attend a sixth form college during the week and every day I bring a packed lunch to eat at lunch time. Today I left my packed lunch in the fridge at home. I ended up buying a pastie and one of the school-flavoured bread pizzas from Greggs.

2) I was due to return a form to Swansea almost a week ago regarding their request for an interview. The form and envelope have been repeatedly forgotten and also sat on. They do not now give a good first impression.

Additionally, in my music class today I was required to do a performance. The piece I had chosen was the second movement of Joseph Horovitz’s Euphonium Concerto. I do not have a copyf of the piano accompaniment parts to this piece and the first time I saw the accompaniments was today. I did not play in strict time with the pianist.

Dumb things I have done so far today #1

1) Today I was due to play a concert with the county school of music brass band. There is a free bus service from Oswestry that takes me to a school at Shrewsbury which leaves at 8:30 from Beauclerks garage. Unfortunately I got out of bed too late and missed the bus. In the end I took the train instead.

2) Upon getting to St. Mary’s church where we were due to play carols, I realised I had left both of my mouthpieces at home. I was forced to borrow a small bore mouthpiece from a trombonist named Chris. Since my euphonium is a large bore instrument it was necessary to jam it in using a piece of paper.

Side note: today I recieved an offer from the University of Birmingham for a maths & physics course. They require that I get an A in both physics and maths. In practice I am unlikely to achieve an A in physics.